While you were sleeping

Her first 6 months….well let’s just say they were more than I bargained for. I will start off with the word COLIC! What does that mean to you? To me, it means endless crying and pain for baby and emotional scars for mommy. I can’t tell you how trying these few months have been. I’ve felt every emotion a woman could possibly feel at one time. I’ve felt envy, resentment, anger, hurt and the list goes on.

I was envious of the mothers who seemed completely in awe of their new bundle of joy. They are so happy, so in love. I couldn’t understand why God was doing this to me and resented him for it. I was angry and exhausted because the hour that it took her to fall asleep only lasted 1 5minutes…and there I was again trying so hard to get this little girl back to sleep.

The endless crying, oh my god, the endless crying! It’s almost too much to bear and the only thing you can do is cry with her, pray, throw pillows, and hate your husband because he is sleeping…….

You tell yourself “This Too Shall Pass” only to keep sane. You feel like nobody understands, you go through depression and you feel like giving up. Not to mention grieving the loss of being a parent of one. I’ve never realized how hard it was going to be to let go of my boy. The fact that cuddling at bedtime or dates to the movie theater or even playing ball in the backyard were going to be impossible.

Things had to change. I told myself to be positive and did fun things with them. I got used to the endless fussing and the lack of sleep. When I was at the end of my rope I prayed, called my friends and cried to my husband. I’ve learned a lot about myself. There are many things that I need to work on but the most important thing that I have learned is that a mother’s love is endless. If I had to do it all over again I would. I stopped feeling sorry for myself because maybe it wasn’t me that was missing out.

While the rest of the world was sleeping, I was holding her tight

While the rest of the world was sleeping, I was kissing her cheeks

While the rest of the world was sleeping, I was singing soft songs

While the rest of the world was sleeping, I was saying sweet prayers

While the rest of the world was sleeping, she was holding my hand

While the rest of the world was sleeping, she captured my heart

While the rest of the world was sleeping, a mother and daughter fell in love

 

 

 

                                                           Michelle C Photo